In times of personal crisis or despair many people turn to things that they believe in to provide meaning, order and perhaps a purpose to their upset. Often people turn to their religious beliefs. Others who believe in liberation through consumption may indulge in “retail therapy”.
I’ve never really had much faith in the religious path and to be perfectly honest money has never been of that great importance either. God seems like a waste of money and money seems like a wasters God.
Personal difficulties have always been quite tricky to tackle for me as a result. My belief in myself has always been a kind of window dressing. Either for my own sake or to stop people getting sick of being around me.
Everyone has to believe in something though, not because it’s the “right” thing to do but rather because it seems pretty impossible to not have at least some belief. The lucky ones are the ones who believe in themselves. Self belief is the ultimate renewable source of energy.
Something like self belief, something so persuasive and precious has to be cultivated. It has to be invested in, it takes serious work. Times of personal crisis tend to make such difficult work seem impossible. Like we don’t have the energy. If I can’t believe in myself I have to believe in something, something outside of myself. People believe in God or money because they believe being in its favour will elevate them. Make them more than they are, better than they are.
I believe that being good has nothing to do with following the rules of a very old book. Nothing to do with currying favour with a being whose existence is entirely uncertain.
I believe that being good doesn’t show up on a balance sheet. That it has zero to do with how many material things you provide for yourself and those in your familial radius.
Being good is taking the time to consider the implications of your actions on those around you. Being consistent and fair in your dealings. Looking people in the eye, giving them their dignity. It has nothing to do with an exclusive restaurant. Nothing to do with an exclusive afterlife and everything to do with this one.
So to believe in myself I have to be the things I believe in. Until I have the personal strength to just believe in myself anyway. This is my personal code of ethics. There are no mentions of success or reward. The only reward is being able to live with myself, being able to sleep at night knowing I did my best. Knowing that if I failed that I will do better next time.
1: Never set out to physically harm another person.
2: Don’t air negative opinions about people unless to protect another person from harm or bad company.
3: Repay debts and lend to people where possible.
4: Be modest in your desires. A cold beer on a hot day or a kiss from an attractive girl are fine desires. A ferrari is an extravagance hard to justify in a city with homeless people.
5: Volunteer your time when you have nothing else to be doing. Help a friend move some stuff, look after a niece or nephew, play with a dog. Even if throwing a stick isn’t entertaining to you the dog will love you for it.
6: Listen to people. If they are talking to you its to communicate something, validate the message by hearing it. Then respond with respect. Even if the message is hideous or contravenes all your principles. In these cases respectfully disagree.
7: Recognise that you almost certainly carry some racial bias. Catch your biased thought patterns and scold yourself for them. Associate the thoughts with disappointment in yourself, then aim to make yourself proud.
8: Don’t be too proud. Personal ethics are not something to make you better than everyone around you.
9: If others carry negative or discriminatory views then respectfully disagree. Don’t get angry at them. People have views because they function in their lives, not because they are evil. The real evil is the environment that makes such discriminatory views functional. Everyone deserves the right to all angles of the argument, by not disagreeing you merely judge them to be stubborn and shame yourself through silence.
10: Don’t tell sexist or racist jokes.
11: Don’t consume entertainment products wherein the entertainment is derived from the denigration, humiliation or abuse of people. Shows like Britains Got Talent encourage us to laugh at people, magazines and tabloids encourage us to delight in the sufferings and weight gains of people. Movies like SAW and Hostel specifically target our worst instincts, the total debasement and destruction of the human body. Finally Pornography which transforms women into objects and encourages a reductive “fast-food” perception of sex. It is no real coincidence that very little of the above is considered to have much, if any artistic value.
12: Never attempt to engage in any form of sexual contact with a girl who is drunk, in a relationship or who stands to lose from the acceptance of your advances.
13: Be especially patient and kind to children. They are quick learners.
14: Never stop loving the people you used to love or at least if this is too painful or impractical, honour the love that was there by always being a positive or benign influence on their life.
15: Accept peoples decisions even if you don’t like them. Forgive them if those decisions hurt you and help them when their decisions hurt themselves.
16: Be there for your friends and family when they need you.
17: Lastly accept that not everyone shares your personal ethics. Don’t let their behaviour be an excuse to let your own slide. This isn’t a religion, it’s not an exclusive club where non-members aren’t deserving of fair treatment. This is you, your actions and they apply to your dealings with everyone you meet.
